Horace Cope: International Skeptics Association

One day in Grade 4C he amazed his classmates by predicting the ringing of the lunchtime and end-of-school bells, so it was only natural Horace Cope grew up gazing into the futures of Indie readers and seeing the good, the bad, and all the other bits. He is the only internationally recognised soothsayer to have been given the thumbs up by the International Skeptics Association, having scored an amazing 89 per cent result in tests the ISA conducted in early 2008. Among the many predictions a completely blindfolded Cope made then that came amazingly true over the months that followed were that admission prices at that year's Ekka would be too high for many struggling families, that some home Sheffield Shield cricket games would be affected by afternoon storms and that 2008 would end promptly at 12midnight on December 31.

VIRGO (Aug 24 to Sept 23)

Just when you thought the Gillard Government’s stocks could not possibly get any lower, you read that it’s given Peter Beattie a job.

LIBRA (Sept 24 to Oct 23)

But you do recognise Beattie’s outstanding expertise in manufacturing ... as in having Labor governments manufacture jobs for him on the public purse rather than have him find his own, like the rest of us.

SCORPIO (Oct 24 to Nov 22)

You wonder whether Queensland Rail has ever thought of getting someone to spray images of railway carriages over the top of trackside graffiti.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 to Dec 22)

And given the number of times CityRail trains are delayed or services cancelled because of a single incident throwing the suburban network into chaos, you also wonder if QR has ever thought of concreting all their lines and just running buses.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23 to Jan 20)

That Dagwood dog you consumed at the Ekka is still repeating on you – which is quite worrying seeing you ate it at the 2009 show.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21 to Feb 19)

You suspect the news that former Health Services Union official Craig Thomson spent hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars at a single fancy meal sitting has union officials all over Australia shaking their heads in belief.

PISCES (Feb 20 to Mar 20)

On that subject you wonder why no national media has labelled the Craig Thomson controversy “Rootgate”.

ARIES (Mar 21 to Apr 20)

You ring all four of the Channel 9 staff who lost their jobs over the “Choppergate” incident just to commiserate with them and your whizz-bang new smart phone pinpoints all of their locations as “near Beerwah”.

TAURUS (Apr 21 to May 20)

You are shocked to hear that last night’s Channel 9 news footage purporting to be a live cross to a reporter covering a fierce firefight in central Tripoli was actually shot in a suburban street selected at random in Sydney’s west.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 21)

And vision that the station claimed was of the scattered bodies of Gaddafi loyalists lying in the forecourt of his Bab Al-Aziziya compound was actually file footage of Cavill Avenue, Gold Coast, after venue closing time on no particular Friday night.

CANCER (June 22 to July 23)

You strike upon a great new idea to cut your Christmas bills by telling the kids Santa has been intercepted on his way to Australia and sent to a refugee camp in Malaysia.